Subject: casual use….
Question: Hi Camille,
I have posted about my bf before in the alcoholism section, because he is a drug addict and an alcoholic. I won’t go into the WHOLE story of me and him, but we are right now in a period of no-contact (for me to get some time away from him and work on my own codependency and other issues) and I was looking back on some of the stories he told me over the last year we were together. I was hoping to tell them to you so you could help me separate fact from fiction… or something…. He lives 3 hours away from me so I typically see him only 2-3 days out of the week, very occasionally for 4-5 days at a time, and during those times I have NEVER seen him drunk or, as far as I could tell, high on anything whatsoever. Here goes:
His history is that he has been doing drugs since he was a young teenager, he’s 46 now. He’s done everything but always stayed away from needles because he hates them. He was at one time in his life a homeless crackhead- that’s how bad his addiction was. That was probably… hm, 15 years ago. Then he went to a few facilities, moved away from his hometown, and managed to beat the crack addiction. When I met him a year ago I had a feeling he was an alcohlic but he said the drugs were over… He eventually told me that about two years ago during a rare spell where he had a lot of money, he was haning out with these women and buying drugs for them (crack). They would do it around him, in front of him, and he said during that time he started drinking more and more heavily as a substitute, because he felt he could never come back from crack again and if he did get hooked on that again I’d know it because he would have NO money left for anything, etc. However he said one night with them, he did take one hit, but couldn’t believe he did that, and he left immediately, wanted to kick himself in the a**, couldn’t enjoy it, never did that again. He said he is too old to bounce back from that again… Then over the course of the relationship I come to discover by looking through his phone (and finding what he admitted to be dealer’s numbers) that he’s smoking pot in addition to drinking beer at home. In addition, his best friend is a crack addict, and on occasion will smoke in my bf’s house, with my bf there. My bf says during these times he himself just drinks alot and smokes pot. But one night in Feb, during one of our breakups, he has admitted to a cocaine binge while hanging out with this friend, who was smoking crack at the time. Also, he told me he gets very paranoid when doing this stuff, and when I was at his house last time, I noticed a little red towel hanging over the small window high up on his wooden door. I didnt know if this was there for when
his friend smokes at his house, or if HE was hiding somethi!
ng too.
Etc.
So I guess my question is: can a non-practicing (so to speak) crackhead POSSIBLY be around others using crack and not participate, instead choosing to get drunk/smoke pot? Can a non-practicing crackhead have a coke binge one night, and then leave coke alone? And I don’t think he ever cheated on me (and I had him tested for STDs twice– both were negative for everything) but I can’t shake this connection in my mind between drugs and STDs– even if he was doing drugs, there’s no need for me to believe that he MUST have cheated on me, thereby putting my health in jeopardy, right? I’m going off the deep end a little, I know, and I was always safe, but I’m having so much anxiety over trying to decipher the truth.
Finally, the only reason I have to BELIEVE that he wasn’t using any drugs regulary is becuse anytime we were together, even for 4 consecutive days at a time, he never disappeared on me, never had ANY change in appearance or demeanor or attitude, never had red eyes…. I imagine smoking crack is something he wouldn’t be able to not do even for hours at a time, and maybe he could have more easily hidden coke from me but wouldn’t I have noticed SOMETHING in him if that was the case? That leads me to think he could somehow, and with the aid of pot and beer, been using again at least somewhat recreationally, and perhaps with coke instead of crack….? Since I didn’t think he had a drug problem (aside from this coke binge which I just found out about maybe a month and a half ago) I focused on AA and trying to force him to go and get the alcoholism under control. He would listen and cooperate with me and have some success, but before long, and usually on weekends, he would disappear
by phone (meaning I couldn’t reach him for a whole night, or he woudln’t call when he said he would, etc).
Sorry for the long ramble, I’m just feling confused and emotional over all this.
Thanks very much and I hope to hear from you soon.
Answer: Hello Deanna,
“So I guess my question is: can a non-practicing (so to speak) crackhead POSSIBLY be around others using crack and not participate, instead choosing to get drunk/smoke pot? Can a non-practicing crackhead have a coke binge one night, and then leave coke alone?”
Answer: NO…NO…NO…NO…NO…NO…
Hope that answers your questions.
Crackheads are very cleaver. Unless you know what to look for he can get away with more than you think. In my profile are 2 websites that you can use to learn all about crack you can find them in organizations I belong to. There is a must do list and that is what it takes to conquer crack cocaine addiction. It can be done.
Hope this helps,
Camille Gibson
